How to help your teen deal with grief and loss
More teenagers are encountering death in and around their lives than ever before - whether it's the loss of a close family member, friend, someone in their own community or a celebrity. The way in which someone dies - whether through illness, by suicide or a tragic accident - adds another layer of complexity to their grief. On top of this, their awareness of death is heightened by global events like Covid-19, wars, terrorist activities, earthquakes, and natural disasters, making loss feel more immediate and widespread. Each loss can trigger a unique mix of emotions and, with social media amplifying unsettling feelings, it's important to make sure young people have the support they need to cope with these difficult experiences.
In this week’s session, we were joined by Rachel Tegg, Bereavement Services Regional Lead - South, at Child Bereavement UK to talk about how parents and carers can support young people through grief and loss.
Factors Influencing Teen Grief
Rachel talked through some of the key factors that might influence how young people might deal with loss:
1. Relationship with the person who has died: The nature of the relationship can significantly impact the grieving process. A close bond may lead to intense feelings of loss, while a strained relationship might bring unresolved issues to the forefront.
2. Circumstances of Death: Whether the death was expected or sudden can shape the grieving experience. Each scenario presents its own challenges and emotional responses.
3. Support Network: The presence of a supportive environment can ease the grieving process. Conversely, a lack of support can exacerbate feelings of isolation.
4. Personal Background: A teen's upbringing and cultural background influence how they process emotions and discuss topics like death.
Grief's Impact on Teenagers
Rachel explained how teenagers may experience grief differently from adults. For many, it might be their first encounter with profound emotional turmoil, leading to a mix of conflicting emotions such as relief, guilt, anger, and sadness. This complexity can be overwhelming, especially when coupled with the developmental challenges of adolescence.
Grief can disrupt a teen's sense of security and challenge their understanding of life's predictability. The death of a peer or sibling can particularly shake their worldview, making them question the safety nets they believed in.
Supporting Grieving Teens
Rachel shared some strategies for parents and carers helping teens navigate loss and grief:
Open communication: let your teenager know that if they have any questions, you are happy to try to answer them or help them find someone who can. It’s okay to show your teenager when you are struggling too, so that they know it is okay to do so themselves.
Recognising Behavioural Changes: Be attentive to shifts in behaviour that may indicate a teen is struggling. Changes in mood, withdrawal from social activities, or academic performance can be signs of distress.
Providing Choices and Involvement: Allow teens to have a say in how they remember the person who has died and to participate in related decisions. This can help them feel valued and understood.
Maintaining Routines and Boundaries: While it's important to be empathetic, maintaining some level of normalcy and routine can provide stability during turbulent times.
Encouraging Self-Care: Teach teens the importance of balancing grief with activities that bring joy and comfort. This can help build resilience and provide emotional relief.
Grief requires time, honesty, compassion, understanding, and patience. By recognising the sensitivity and vulnerability a teen may feel, and offering support and guidance around them, parents and caregivers can help their teen process emotions in a safe and secure way and help them to cope with their grief while continuing to remember their special person who has died.
It’s also important to remember that those supporting grieving teens may themselves be affected by loss and may be struggling with their own emotions. It’s important for parents, carers and educators to find a support network for themselves as well. Grief is not something time can resolve; it requires active engagement and care. With the right support, young people can integrate their grief and emotions so that they are better able to live alongside it without letting it control their lives.
If you or someone you know is looking for additional support on this subject, get in touch with Child Bereavement UK here:
Child Bereavement UK helpline: 0800 02 888 40
Child Bereavement UK Website: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/
Additional support including book recommendations: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/pages/faqs/category/for-children-11-18