Difficult Conversations with a Teen
Navigating the complexities of teenage mental health and communication can be challenging for parents and educators. This week, we talked to Dr. Bettina Hohnen, a Clinical Psychologist with extensive experience in child mental health and neurodiversity, who offered valuable insights into understanding and supporting teenagers, particularly when it comes to difficult conversations.
The Teenage Brain and Behaviour
Teenagers experience significant changes in their brain function due to hormonal influxes starting around puberty. These changes drive them to seek autonomy, integrate with peers, and explore their identities. This developmental phase often results in teenagers pushing away from family interactions, which can be challenging for parents who feel shut out. However, this behaviour is a normal part of growing up and not a personal rejection.
Navigating Conversations with Teens
Dr. Hohnen emphasises the importance of timing and approach when engaging with teenagers. Teens need conversations to happen on their terms, and they may not always be ready to talk when prompted. Parents should be patient and open to discussions when their children are ready, whether during a car ride or a shared activity. It's crucial to respect their autonomy and avoid being intrusive.
Individual Differences and Emotional Regulation
Every teenager is different, and some may naturally be less communicative. It's essential to respect these differences while ensuring they have healthy ways to regulate their emotions. Parents should observe their children's coping mechanisms, whether it's playing music or engaging in sports, and support them in finding constructive outlets.
Building Trust and Repairing Relationships
Trust is foundational in parent-teen relationships. If trust has been broken, perhaps by breaching confidentiality, it's important to acknowledge this and work towards repairing the relationship. Apologising and showing a willingness to listen can help rebuild trust and open lines of communication.
Addressing Emotional Responses
Parents often have strong emotional reactions to their children's behaviour, which can hinder effective communication. Recognising and managing these responses is crucial. Dr. Hohnen suggests that parents should not take their children's behaviour personally and should strive to understand the underlying emotions driving their actions.
Practical Advice for Stronger Relationships
Allow Autonomy: Let teenagers set the frame for conversations, respecting their need for independence.
Listen Without Agenda: Offer a space for teens to express themselves without immediately providing solutions or advice.
Acknowledge Mistakes: Be open to recognising and apologising for past mistakes to foster a more trusting relationship.
Dr. Hohnen’s insights remind us that while the teenage years can be challenging, they are also a critical period for growth and development. By understanding and respecting teenagers' needs, parents can build stronger, more supportive relationships with their children.
For those seeking further guidance, Dr. Bettina Hohnen's books, "The Incredible Teenage Brain" and "How to Have Incredible Conversations with Your Child," offer additional strategies and insights.