My teen has low self-esteem - how can I help?

Teenagers often suffer low self-esteem, a challenge that can manifest in various ways. This week, we were joined by Clinical Psychologist,  Dr Gemma Allison, to talk about some of the early signs of low self-esteem, the impact of social media and how parents and carers can create a supportive home environment. 

Recognising Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Dr Allison explained how teenagers with low self-esteem may exhibit certain behaviours and thought patterns. They often compare themselves unfavourably to others, whether peers or public figures, and may have lots of negative self-talk and express self-criticism. Increased anxiety, withdrawal from social activities, and an aversion to trying new things are common. They may also struggle with setbacks, perceiving mistakes as insurmountable failures.

Creating a Supportive Environment

A supportive home environment is essential. Dr Allison recommends encouraging teenagers to explore their interests and celebrate their uniqueness. Parents should acknowledge their strengths and areas where they excel, while also validating their struggles. Avoid attaching worth to specific outcomes or achievements, and instead, focus on the effort and learning process.

Modelling positive self-esteem is vital. Teenagers often mirror the self-talk and attitudes of their parents. Therefore, maintaining a balanced view of one's own strengths and weaknesses can positively influence them.

Addressing Negative Self-Talk

When addressing negative self-talk, start by acknowledging the teenager's feelings without immediately trying to solve the problem. Encourage them to consider how they would speak to a friend in a similar situation. Gently challenge absolute statements like "always" or "never" and help them find a more balanced perspective.

Navigating Social Media Influences

Social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Encourage teenagers to review and evaluate how social media content affects them emotionally. Promote "joy scrolling" by following accounts that inspire and uplift, and suggest taking breaks from content that doesn't contribute positively to their self-image.

Neurodiversity & Self-Esteem

For some neurodiverse teens, finding their place socially can be an additional challenge, which can impact their self-esteem. Dr. Allison highlighted that while not all neurodiverse young people struggle with this, some find it harder to connect with like-minded peers or feel like they fit in.

Encouraging teenagers to seek out communities - whether based on shared interests or connections with other neurodiverse individuals - can be a great way to help them build confidence and a sense of belonging. It’s also important to reinforce the message that neurodiversity is part of what makes them unique, with its own strengths and positives. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the message they hear, so parents and carers must help them recognise, embrace and reinforce their individuality.

Seeking Professional Help

If after several months there is no improvement in self-esteem, consider seeking professional help. Therapy can provide additional support and strategies for managing low self-esteem. Dr Allison stressed the importance of involving teenagers in the decision-making process, allowing them to choose an approach and a therapist they feel comfortable with.

Addressing low self-esteem in teenagers is a complex process that involves understanding, support, and sometimes professional intervention. Encouraging open conversations and providing a supportive home life can help teenagers strengthen their self-image and help them cruise through the challenges of adolescence with greater resilience and a bit more confidence.